Notes from visitor 6006

In May 1996, I came across a particular web page promoting the work of Ivan Panin. The satirical message I sent to them shows how Panin-like patterns can be found in any text.

The web page no longer exists. Computers for Christ does, but they now oppose Panin's work.

By way of explanation, the place value of a letter is just its position in the alphabet. (A=1, B=2, ..., Z=26.) Panin often used place values.

Hi there!  I was just passing through your page and I happened 
to notice I was visitor number 6006, which you will immediately 
recognise to be a multiple of 7!  Struck by this minor miracle, 
I looked at your amazing material on Mr (er, sorry, Dr) Panin and 
thought I'd better check out your credentials.

So, I thought, what better way than to apply the Panin test!?  
Here are three of your sentences:

    If you are an atheist, agnostic or think the bible is 
    other than the inspired word of God then I strongly urge 
    you to first read the following document from Computers 
    for Christ. It shows startling mathematical evidence of 
    the Bible's divine origin. It presents evidence that could 
    only be unlocked in our time with the wonders of computers.

I gotta admit, I used to be an agnostic.  Shame on me, but finally 
I saw the error of my ways and became an atheist.  Yeah, your 
sentences are for me alright!

I started to get worried when I found that those three sentences 
have altogether 7x25 consonants, of which 7x13 appear in even 
positions in a word and 7x12 appear in odd positions.  Not only 
that, but 7x13 appear in even words of a sentence and 7x12 appear 
in odd words, and 7x13 are the even letter of a sentence and 7x12 
an odd letter! Imagine my consternation: 7x6 are the last letter 
of a word, and 7x2 are in the last word of a sentence!!  I guess 
it was only to be expected that 7x8 consonants appear in nouns 
and 7x4 in verbs..  

Oh, the first and last word have 7 consonants between them, right?

I think I mentioned that the last words of the sentences have 7x2
consonants: they have 7 vowels too.  The 7x13 consonants in even
words of sentences: 7x6 are first or last in a word, 7x6 are in
common nouns, and 7x6 are in articles.  The 7x8 consonants in 
nouns: 7x4 are in the first sentence, and 7x2 are in the last words
of sentences.  And,.. but I'm getting tired of consonants, what
about vowels?  The words in even position in the passage have 7x7
of the little beasties, imagine that!

I'm beginning to develop an unearthly sort of respect for you,
because my mate Blue reckons that nobody except you-know-who could
pack so many 7s into only three sentences and the odds of it
happening by chance are, you know, only 1 in 7x7x7x7x...just 
about for ever.  Maybe enough for a couple of googlies and their
friends as well!  But Blue is no slouch, he says: betcha there
aren't any 7s involving numerical values.  English ain' got any,
but our pal Ivan Nikolayovich says place values are cool so let's
use those.

The first and last letters of the words have place value 7x205, 
of which the first and last words in sentences contribute 7x7x3
(7x6 from vowels, 7x15 from consonants), those in even words in 
sentences contribute 7x107, those in odd words in sentences 
contribute [yikes!] 7x7x7x3 (7x26 from vowels, 7x22 from consonants,
7x37 from words starting with a vowel, 7x61 from words starting 
with a consonant), even length words contribute 7x121, odd length 
words contribute 7x7x12, nouns contribute 7x7x6 (7x13 for proper 
nouns and 7x29 for common nouns), articles contribute 7x20 and 
so on.  All that just for the first and last letters of words.

The words starting with consonants (you seem to have this thing
about consonants!) have total place value 7x330.  Contributing
to that total we have the last letters of words (7x7x9), the
first sentence (7x180), the second sentence (7x65), the third
sentence (7x85), words ending in a vowel (7x67), words ending in 
a consonant (7x263), even-length words (7x152), odd-length words
(7x178), common nouns (7x80), and proper nouns (7x26).

No reader could by now need to know that the letters having odd 
position in a sentence total 7x7x7x5 in order to know that the
writer of these sentences is no mere human.  My Lord, how can
I serve you?  You want my life savings?  my wife and kids?  just
name it, they are Yours.  

Your adoring servant,

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Creator: Brendan McKay,