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Lawyer jokes

Thanks to Belinda for sending these to me. I am not sure who the author is.

  What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
        A tick  falls off of you when you die.

   Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their
 clients?
        To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the
same  service.

   What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
        Stick his bill up his ass.

   What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in
sand?
        Not enough sand.

   What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
lawyer in the road?
        There are skid marks in front of the dog.

   What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? 
        A Doberman.

   Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
        If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once
launched,  they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up
everything forever.

   What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
        One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

   Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest 
stamps?
 They  had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people couldn't 
figure out which side to spit on.

   Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.


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