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12 Husbands and a lawyer.

 
 A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 
 times. On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at 
 their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, "Please, promise to 
 be gentle. I am still a virgin." 
  
 This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at 
 least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked 
 his new bride to explain the phenomenon. She responded: 
  
 My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent the entire 
 marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, how great it was going to be. 
  
 My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure 
 how it was supposed to function, but he promised he would send me 
 documentation. 
  
 My third husband was from Field Services and repeatedly said that 
 everything was diagnostically OK, but couldn't get the system up. 
  
 My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and you know the old 
 
 saying-'Those who CAN, DO; those who can't, teach.' 
  
 My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department. He knew he 
 had the order, but he wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able 
 to deliver. 
  
 My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the 
 basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and 
 design a new state-of-the-art method. 
  
 My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. He knew how, 
 but he just wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. 
  
 My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations, and he told me 
 that he met the minimum standards but regulations weren't clear on how 
 
 to do it. 
  
 My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. Even though he had the 
 product. he just wasn't sure how to position it. 
  
 My tenth husband was a psychiatrist. All he ever wanted to do was 
 talk about it. 
  
 My eleventh husband was a gynaecologist, and all he ever wanted to do 
 was look at it. 
  
 My twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to 
 do was . . .-God I miss him! 
  
 So now I've married you, and I'm really excited." 
  
 "Why is that," asked the lawyer. 
  
 "Well, it should be obvious! You're a lawyer!! I just know I'm going 
 
 to get screwed this time!