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THE COLLEGE STUDENT TEST

	
 			By alan NEAL
 		Address:neala@eosc.osshe.edu
 
 
 	You might be a college student if...
 
 
 ...you consider 5 hours of sleep a good nights rest.
 
 ...every time you go past the alcoholic beverage section at Safeway you 
 kneel, bow, and give praise.
 
 ...it takes a six-pack to give you a buzz.
 
 ...you constantly are into philosophical debates on whether the General 
 Lee, or the Batmobile would win if they got in a fight.
 
 ...you are eating pizza at midnight.
 
 ...you consider a laundromat a nice place to study.
 
 ...you feel Ray Stevens is a musical genius, you might be a Redneck.
 
 ...you have three accounts with BMG under three different names other 
 than your own.
 
 ...you think that going to lectures in all your classes, and doing three 
 hours of homework, a full days work.
 
 ...you feel a short nap is less than two hours.
 
 ...you think a long term commitment lasts longer than a month.
 
 ...you find yourself saying, while eating really bad, cheap pizza, "This 
 would taste a lot better with a beer."
 
 ...twice a week, you find yourself saying, "If it wasn't for the last 
 minute nothing would get done."
 
 ...it takes you five years to do something that was supposed to take four 
 years.
 
 ...you consider Ramen Noodles a food staple.
 
 ...you think making prank calls good clean fun.
 
 ...you avoid taking classes before 10 am.
 
 ...you consider jeans dress-up clothes.
 
 ...you hate your roommate.
 
 ...you buy Franzia wine-in-a-box, because of its extremely, competitive  
 bang-for-the-buck value.
 
 ...you find yourself saying, about a shitty beer you've just started 
 drinking, "Well I won't taste after the first two cans."
 
 ... you have trouble getting up before noon.
 
 ...you can quotes lines from the movies PCU, or Animal House.
 
 ...you've done anything from the Movies PCU or Animal House.
 
 ...you catch yourself saying, "You know, showing up for class you 
 understand the material so much better."
 
 ...you can recite the entire Greek alphabet.
 
 ...you cringe or groan when someone refers to women your own age as 
 girls.  Knowing, if a woman had heard those words, that person would no longer have a 
 face.
 
 ...you clean your room immaculately only when you have a big project due 
 the next day.
 
 ... you've bought four books for $139 that you'll never look at again.
 
 ...you think the four basic food  groups  are beer, pizza, salsa, and Ramen.
 
 ...in a middle of a lecture you come back from your spacing out and 
 realize that you have no clue what the instructor  is taking about , which class 
 you're in, and that you don't  remember the instructor writing any of the words on a 
 completely filled chalkboard.
 
 ... you don't plan your evening until 8:00 pm that night.
 
 ...it's 4:00 am and you're at Denny's.
 
 ...you are on a first name basis with your local convience store clerks.
 
 ...you think munchies are contageous.
 
 ...you've recently watched Sesame Street and enjoyed it.
 
 ...after taking a shower you always come out  with a smile.
 
 ...you have caught yourself saying, "You know there's some pretty good 
 stuff on PBS.
 
 ...you currently baked and are seeing faces in wood grain.
 
 ...you have recently not done something really simple, like clean your 
 desk, and said, "That would require effort."
 
 ...you are paying $3500 a year to live in a shoe box size room, with 
 another person in a building that closely resembles a prison without bars.
 
 ...in the last term a small joke has turned into a full scale joke war.
 
 ...you consider garage sales a great place to buy furniture.
 
 ...you find yourself getting excited about products or events advertised 
 as "cheap."
 
 ... you've been seeing someone for two months and still don't know if 
 you're going out.
 
 
 ...you write letters during lectures.
 
 ...you have poems that no one but you has read.
 
 ...you find yourself making lists similar to Jeff Foxworthy's "You might 
 be a Redneck..." routine.
 
 ...you have catch phrases that only you and five other people know what 
 the hell you're talking about.
 
 ...most of clothes were purchased at Thriftstores.
 
 ... you swear more creatively now.  Yeah, you can put two cuss words 
 together; such as, fuckingshit.
 
 ...you have recently sung the entire Brady Bunch theme song with your 
 friends.
 
 ...you've read 50 pages of a dry, boring book, which the information in 
 this book you will never use again in your life.
 
 ...you've spent more than four hours at a stretch, on a web browser.
 
 ...it's 3 pm, you're at a class, you're still wearing your PJ's, and you 
 don't give a damn.
 
 ...a computer game (Solitaire, Mine Sweeper, DOOM, or Xwing) has 
 dominated your life for a week.
 
 ...you've tweaked yourself out watching unusual cartoons; such as, the 
 Maxx, or Aeon Flux.
 
 ...letters from your parents come in big manila envelopes.
 
 ...whenever you call home your parents automatically think 
 that you need money.
 
 ...you have your favorite pizza place's phone number memorized better 
 than your best friend's number.
 
 ...your walls are decorated with pictures of naked and/or half-naked 
 pictures of the opposite sex.
 
 ...now you look at high school as a complete waste of time.
 
 ...you are wery behind on current events because you sepnd so much time 
 reading required texts.
 
 ...you only watch a couple of your favorite shows each week, and movies 
 on tape.
 
 ...you consider pizza a breakfast food.
 
 ... your big projects don't get started until the night they're due.