About me

Contact me

My research




Quote for the Day


You've come to Doug Aberdeen's old pages. In 5 seconds you will taken to my new pages http://sml.nicta.com.au/~daa/

Beer Troubleshooting Flow Chart

   SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
   FAULT:   Glass empty.
   ACTION:  Get someone to buy you another beer.

   SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
   FAULT:   You have fallen over backward.
   ACTION:  Have yourself lashed to bar.

   SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
   FAULT:   You have fallen forward.
   ACTION:  See above.

   SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
   FAULT:   Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
   ACTION:  Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

   SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
   FAULT:   Glass being held at incorrect angle.
   ACTION:  Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

   SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
   FAULT:   Improper bladder control.
   ACTION:  Stand next to nearest dog, complain about her house

   SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
   FAULT:   You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
   ACTION:  Get someone to buy you another beer.

   SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
   FAULT:   You are being carried out.
   ACTION:  Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

   SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
   FAULT:   Bar has closed.
   ACTION:  Confirm home address with bartender.

   SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
   FAULT:   Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
   ACTION:  Cover mouth.

The views and opinions expressed on this web page are not necessarily those of NICTA or the Australian National University. Any HTML or image from this page may be copied and re-used freely but must not be sold.
Feedback:Doug.Aberdeen AT anu.edu.au