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Oil Change Instructions

"Oil Change Instructions For Women"

1) Drive down to the mechanic's when the odometer
reaches 5000Km since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
$40.00 for oil change
$1.00 for coffee
Total = $41.00

"Oil Change Instructions For Men"

1) Go to auto parts store and write a cheque for $50.00 for oil,
filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full.  Instead of taking
it to the servo to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up.  Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 in socket set.
9) Give up and use ring spanner.
10) Unscrew drain plug, ensuring to strip the bolt as much as
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
12) Swear profusely and clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Have another Beer.
17) Mate shows up; finish slab with him.  Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19a) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
19b) Pour pan of oil down the hole in the backyard, and cover.
20) Have another Beer.  Oh No, you drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to store; buy a slab.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.
23) Dump first litre of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the drain plug is buried in a hole in the back yard,
along with drain oil.
27) Have another beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Have another beer.
31) Slip with spanner tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on
32) Bang head on floor in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin swearing fit.
34) Throw spanner.
35) Swear for additional 10 minutes because spanner hit Miss December
(1992) in the left boob.
35) Have another Beer.
36) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
37) Have another Beer.
38) Have another Beer.
39) Dump in five litres of fresh oil.
40) Have another Beer.
41) Lower car from jack stands.
42) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
43) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
during step 23.
44) Have another Beer.
45) Test drive car.
46) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
47) Car gets impounded.
48) Make bail: Get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
$50.00 parts
$50.00 beer
$50.00 replacement set of jack stands:
$1,000.00 Bail
$200.00 Impound and towing fee
$1,350.00 Total

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Feedback:Doug.Aberdeen AT anu.edu.au