Quote for the Day
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IF THE WORLD WAS FAIR...
- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a "Cheers
for the sex - now fuck off" would pretty much do it.
- Birth control would come in ale or lager.
- Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur
in leap years.
- On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
- St. Patrick's Day would be celebrated every month.
- The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night
Football from a Different Camera Angle".
- Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
- Tanks would be far easier to rent.
- Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.
- When the Police pull you over, every smart-alec answer you responded
with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one, That's 20.00 off".
- Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
- Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
- When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game,
she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the ball goes
out of play.
- The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
- "Sorry, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for
absence and/or poor time keeping.
- Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the "public
- Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again ?" cards.
- Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.
- "Fancy a shag" would be the only chat up line in existence and it would
work every time.
- Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that would
- Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.
- Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to the
- Along with your milk in the morning the milkman would deliver two
Swedish milk maids.
- When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to
slide down the back of a Brontosaurus like Fred Flintstone.