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Quote for the Day


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Blonde jokes (sorry)

Why did the pregnant blonde lose her job at the sperm bank?
   Her employer discovered she'd been embezzling.

Why did the foreman at the M & M factory have to fire the blonde?
   She was eating all the W & W's.

Why did the blonde sit in a tree?
   So she could call herself a branch manager.

Why did the blonde return her vibrator to the department store?
   It chipped her teeth.

Why did the blonde return her new scarf?
   It was too tight.

Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
   Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese.

Why did the blonde put make-up on her forehead?
   She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up her mind.

Why did the blonde put a condom on each ear?
   She didn't want hearing AIDS.

Why did the blonde name her dog Herpes?
   Because it wouldn't heel.

Why did the blonde lose her job as an elevator operator?
   She couldn't learn the route.

Why did the blonde hippie take two hits of LSD?
   He wanted to go on a round trip.

Why did the blonde drive around the block fifty-seven times?
   Her turn signal stuck.

Why did the blonde climb over the chainlink fence?
   To see what was on the other side.

Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light 
   She needed them for the darkroom she was building.

Why did the blond lose her job at the pharmacy?
   She kept trying to fit the little bottles in her typewriter.

Why did the aging blonde have her tubes tied?
   So she wouldn't have any more grandchildren.

Why did God invent liquor?
   So that brunettes could get laid too.

Why are the Japanese so smart?
   No blondes.

What's the ultimate in embarrassment for a blonde?
   When her Ben-Wa balls set off the metal detector at the airport.

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
   Introduce herself.

What's the difference between a young blonde and an old blonde?
   A young one uses Vaseline; an old one uses Poli-Grip.

What's the difference between a dead brunette lying in the road and a
dead blonde lying in the road?
   There's skid marks in front of the blonde.

What's the difference between a blonde and a prostitute?
   Prostitutes don't drive Ferraris.

What's the difference between a blond and a 747?
   Not everyone's been on a 747.

What's the definition of a metallurgist?
   A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is virgin metal or common

What's six inches long, has a bald head on it, and drives blondes wild?
   A hundred-dollar bill.

What's a blonde's mating call?
   "I'm sooooo drunk."

What's another blonde mating call?

What's a brunette's mating call?
   "Is that blonde bitch gone yet?"

What's a blonde's idea of natural child birth?
   Absolutely no make-up.

What's a blonde's idea of dental floss?
   Pubic hair.

What's a beaten, bloody body lying in a ditch by the side of the road?
   A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

What was the blonde surgeon's claim to fame?
   She performed the world's first successful hemorrhoid transplant.

What was the blonde complaint about oral sex?
   The lousy view.

What was in the blonde spinster's heart-shaped locket?
   A picture of a candle.

What is the difference between an intelligent blonde and Bigfoot?
   Bigfoot's been sighted.

What is the biggest advantage to marrying a blonde?
   You get to park in the Handicapped Zone.

What is a blonde's three biggest lies?
   1 You're the best.
   2 You're the biggest.
   3 It Doesn't always smell that way.

What have you gotten when you line up ten blondes ear to ear?
   A wind tunnel.

What happened when the blonde got locked in the car?
   Her blond boyfriend had to use a clothes hanger to get her out.

What does a blonde think 7-11 is?
   An emergency number.

What does a blonde say after you blow in her ear?
   "Thanks for the refill."

What does a blonde say after sex?
   "So, are all you guys on the same team?"

What does a blonde from Malibu wear to a funeral?
    Her black tennis dress.

What does a blonde do after sex?
    Walks home.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a blonde?
    A three-quarter ton pick-up.

What do you call twenty blondes in a circle?
    A dope ring.

What do you call three blondes in a Volkswagen?
    Far from thinking.

What do you call a group of blondes in the freezer?
    Frosted Flakes.

What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
    An interpreter.

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brown?
    Artificial Intelligence.

What do you call a blonde that can suck a golf ball through a 50 ft.

What do men have on their pants that blondes don't want on their face?

What do fat blondes and mopeds have in common?
    They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you.

What do blondes and dog shit have in common?
    The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

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Feedback:Doug.Aberdeen AT anu.edu.au