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Why Some People Shouldn't Use Computers

Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the   
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now
type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
A friend once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the   
document back to the sender when he was finished with it, because the
sender needed to keep it.

Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
A worker for a local ISP told me
'Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this:
Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"'
Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to   
"The Internet."
Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows-because of the icons-I'm a
Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it
was meant to-"
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a   
file cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"
Customer: [click]
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my
spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game."
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The   
tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then   
"No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man   
sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working

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Feedback:Doug.Aberdeen AT anu.edu.au