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You've come to Doug Aberdeen's old pages. In 5 seconds you will taken to my new pages http://sml.nicta.com.au/~daa/THE ACADEMIC HIERARCHYTHE PRESIDENT: LEAPS TALL BUILDINGS IN A SINGLE BOUND, IS MORE POWERFUL THAN A LOCOMOTIVE, IS FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET, WALKS ON WATER, GIVES POLICY TO GOD. THE VICE PRESIDENT FOR ACADEMIC AFFAIRS: LEAPS SHORT BUILDINGS IN A SINGLE BOUND, IS MORE POWERFUL THAN A SWITCH ENGINE, IS JUST AS FAST AS A SPEEDING BULLET, WALKS ON WATER IF SEA IS CALM, TALKS WITH GOD. PROFESSOR: LEAPS SHORT BUILDINGS WITH A RUNNING START AND FAVORABLE WINDS, IS ALMOST AS POWERFUL AS A SWITCH ENGINE, CAN FIRE A SPEEDING BULLET, WALKS ON WATER IN AN INDOOR SWIMMING POOL, TALKS WITH GOD IF SPECIAL REQUEST IS APPROVED. ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR: BARELY CLEARS A QUONSET HUT, LOSES TUG OF WAR WITH LOCOMOTIVE, MISFIRES FREQUENTLY, SWIMS WELL, IS OCCASIONALLY ADDRESSED BY GOD. ASSISTANT PROFESSOR: MAKES HIGH MARKS ON WALLS WHEN TRYING TO LEAP TALL BUILDINGS, IS RUN OVER BY LOCOMOTIVES, CAN SOMETIMES HANDLE A GUN WITHOUT INFLICTING SELF INJURY, DOG PADDLES, TALKS TO ANIMALS. GRADUATE STUDENT: RUNS INTO BUILDINGS, RECOGNIZES LOCOMOTIVES TWO OUT OF THREE TIMES, IS NOT ISSUED AMMUNITION, CAN STAY AFLOAT WITH A LIFE JACKET, TALKS TO WALLS. UNDERGRADUATE AND WORK STUDY STUDENT: FALLS OVER DOORSTEP WHEN TRYING TO ENTER BUILDINGS, SAYS, "LOOK AT THE CHOO-CHOO," WETS HIMSELF WITH A WATER PISTOL, PLAYS IN MUD PUDDLES, MUMBLES TO HIMSELF. DEPARTMENT SECRETARY: LIFTS TALL BUILDINGS AND WALKS UNDER THEM, KICKS LOCOMOTIVES OFF THE TRACKS, CATCHES SPEEDING BULLETS IN HER TEETH AND EATS THEM, FREEZES WATER WITH A SINGLE GLANCE, IS GOD. |